Divorce

Hey People, I just don't think my wife and I can pull it off anymore.
Background: Married in COP, one child of 9, 3 cars and a house. Oh 4 pets

Still all financed and a mountain of furniture. I cant do what she wants and she has given me ultimatums, she knows I am captain America so she has spoken to lawyers etc. behind my back already but to me that means nothing because ultimately the court of law decides what is what.

What is my best chance here guys without it getting really ugly as we seem to agree on nothing, I want my kid (or at least half of him) i.e I don't want her to have full custody.

I just cant stand her anymore, cant bare looking at her, cant handle the threats and if we stay together there will be regrets. One day i'm gonna klap her the way she carries on and its not what I want.

any suggestions, simply we don't agree on anything so someone will have to do it for us. So far we have done nothing but need to soon. I am not blaming juice on this, as mentioned several times I have been so cool on tren. Its not the juice boys.

Sorry to hear this Fillet. Acrimonious divorces make attorney's wealthy. Hope you can solve it positively. For what it's worth, I work a lot with care & contact: if it goes that far, ask your attorney to submit a Reg 6 application to your nearest Family Advocate's office - he'll know what it is. Court will make an order that the best interests of your child be investigated. A forensic Social Worker and possibly also a Family Advocate will consult you, wife and child, and make a care/contact recommendation based on all the facts. Unless one of the parents poses a real danger to the child, parental rights are usually shared. The process usually takes many months.. Good luck mate

mack wrote: Sorry to hear this Fillet. Acrimonious divorces make attorney's wealthy. Hope you can solve it positively. For what it's worth, I work a lot with care & contact: if it goes that far, ask your attorney to submit a Reg 6 application to your nearest Family Advocate's office - he'll know what it is. Court will make an order that the best interests of your child be investigated. A forensic Social Worker and possibly also a Family Advocate will consult you, wife and child, and make a care/contact recommendation based on all the facts. Unless one of the parents poses a real danger to the child, parental rights are usually shared. The process usually takes many months.. Good luck mate

Sounds like some solid advice. Thank you Mack.

Sorry to hear bro, I really wish you where both in a place to do a marriage course. I've seen so many of the most destructive clusterf%$k of marriage turn a full 180. I personally have done the course myself. One thing I can say is that anger / hate, etc really does dissappear or at least suppresses over time if one is no longer provoked or stuck in the middle of something that causes the tension.

Thanks Pump, we did marriage counselling before but she continues doing things I ask her not to, this is years now. She knows how it angers me but tells me she's doing nothing wrong. This prolonged has made me fall out of love with her. She still wants to stay with me but do what she wants. I just can't anymore, threatens that I will never see my kid if we divorce that's how she is trying to hold on but I am worn, affects work and relationships I have with others. I just want my boy, don't care about the rest.

Strongs brother!

Eish Fillet I don't know to say bud except that I hope everything goes smoothly. Marriage with kids is hard at the best of times, and it's really sad that you guys can't find a way through this.

If this is definitely the way forward, are you concerned she might think of using your steroid use against you in when custody talk comes up? I would talk to a lawyer to prepare for any curve balls she might plan on sending your way. I always prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

Pyroclasm wrote: Strongs brother!

For a bunch of roid rangers, you guys are awesome. Thanks man from the bottom of my heart.

Muscleaddict wrote: Eish Fillet I don't know to say bud except that I hope everything goes smoothly. Marriage with kids is hard at the best of times, and it's really sad that you guys can't find a way through this.

If this is definitely the way forward, are you concerned she might think of using your steroid use against you in when custody talk comes up? I would talk to a lawyer to prepare for any curve balls she might plan on sending your way. I always prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

This is the ugliest time of my life, yes she will MA. She used anavar, fat furnace, female stack - won't that be in her body? I know it will be ugly as Fuck but hope for the best. Last Fff she used was Sunday. I may have to return fire. I just want my kid man.

Fillet, so sorry to hear man. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. But having spoken to mates of mine who went down this path...

But Mack said it perfectly - Acrimonius divorces only make the lawyers rich. That is why they're so keen to fight and argue, and make no mistake, their interest is not for the client, but for their own 2nd or 3rd holiday home.

You need to sit with the missus and be adult about it and say that your son is the No 1 priority. If the legal route takes its course it means less money for quality education, less for him. So at the end of the day - He loses the most. You need to agree that everything gets split and try as much as possible for an uncontested divorce.

Yes what's happening at varsities as we speak is deplorable, BUT, the reason is sound. Unfortunately in SA the only way to get results is by burning shit down and varsities are quickly becoming too costly for average folks. Sure take a student loan and get saddled with a loan of a few R100k's before you've even earned your first paycheck. There is no way that is sustainable (but then again, that is what the banks want... but that's another debate altogether).

Then lastly, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER badmouth the missus in front of your kid. Speak highly of her if he moans about her (and he will, he will try and manipulate the situation to his advantage). Even if she badmouths you at every opportunity. Keep your side clean. In time your kid will learn to understand and reason for themselves. If you badmouth the other parent it may come back to haunt you as the kid could harbour bad feelings and mistrust to you. If he sees she's a complete bitch yet you protect her because she is his mother he will respect you more for it.

And if you guys think your world is crashing, think what he must be going through. Everything that keeps his world safe and secure ends the minute the wheel starts to turn. He will need both your support and some counselling on how to involve him will be required. He will put up a front. The defence mechanisms will kick in but he will be insecure and hurting.

Good luck bro and I hope you guys keep your heads about you.

Hey, fillet, sorry to hear man. I can relate, been thru hell, cried, contemplated suicide...got the threats of never seeing my baby....its not that much easier now....but with her family mostly out of the picture, its much more managable....if its individuals that you know are helping cause her to go against you, try to get them out of the picture. Its tough, when I was thinking divorce, it was the same story, 99 percent of the time, kids end up with the mother, dads get visitation rights. If there is anyway to avoid the divorce, any avenue or option, go for it. If not, stay strong and true to yourself and make the best of whatever the outcome may be! We here for you buddy! We will all get thru this together bro!

Cyclo wrote: Fillet, so sorry to hear man. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. But having spoken to mates of mine who went down this path...

But Mack said it perfectly - Acrimonius divorces only make the lawyers rich. That is why they're so keen to fight and argue, and make no mistake, their interest is not for the client, but for their own 2nd or 3rd holiday home.

You need to sit with the missus and be adult about it and say that your son is the No 1 priority. If the legal route takes its course it means less money for quality education, less for him. So at the end of the day - He loses the most. You need to agree that everything gets split and try as much as possible for an uncontested divorce.

Yes what's happening at varsities as we speak is deplorable, BUT, the reason is sound. Unfortunately in SA the only way to get results is by burning shit down and varsities are quickly becoming too costly for average folks. Sure take a student loan and get saddled with a loan of a few R100k's before you've even earned your first paycheck. There is no way that is sustainable (but then again, that is what the banks want... but that's another debate altogether).

Then lastly, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER badmouth the missus in front of your kid. Speak highly of her if he moans about her (and he will, he will try and manipulate the situation to his advantage). Even if she badmouths you at every opportunity. Keep your side clean. In time your kid will learn to understand and reason for themselves. If you badmouth the other parent it may come back to haunt you as the kid could harbour bad feelings and mistrust to you. If he sees she's a complete bitch yet you protect her because she is his mother he will respect you more for it.

And if you guys think your world is crashing, think what he must be going through. Everything that keeps his world safe and secure ends the minute the wheel starts to turn. He will need both your support and some counselling on how to involve him will be required. He will put up a front. The defence mechanisms will kick in but he will be insecure and hurting.

Good luck bro and I hope you guys keep your heads about you.

Nice advice, I really appreciate it.

Wayne wrote: Hey, fillet, sorry to hear man. I can relate, been thru hell, cried, contemplated suicide...got the threats of never seeing my baby....its not that much easier now....but with her family mostly out of the picture, its much more managable....if its individuals that you know are helping cause her to go against you, try to get them out of the picture. Its tough, when I was thinking divorce, it was the same story, 99 percent of the time, kids end up with the mother, dads get visitation rights. If there is anyway to avoid the divorce, any avenue or option, go for it. If not, stay strong and true to yourself and make the best of whatever the outcome may be! We here for you buddy! We will all get thru this together bro!

Much respect Wayne. thanks

Eish Bro.

They'll split custody 50/50 unless they can prove that the child Well being is at risk with the Father so you should be fine in that regard.
The problem comes in when she brings up the Gear(and she will)
You can ofer to go for blood tests when she does but then you'd obviously have to be clean at the time.

Unfortunately with the stigma attached to gear expect the worst from a blinkered Magistrate if it's bought up and proven.

Rhino wrote: Eish Bro.

They'll split custody 50/50 unless they can prove that the child Well being is at risk with the Father so you should be fine in that regard.
The problem comes in when she brings up the Gear(and she will)
You can ofer to go for blood tests when she does but then you'd obviously have to be clean at the time.

Unfortunately with the stigma attached to gear expect the worst from a blinkered Magistrate if it's bought up and proven.

Ya bud, doesn't matter if I dragged it on she will use juice against me anyway, used Deca some time back to that's gonna be in there. I tell you what I have learnt a lot in the last few months...

Hi Fillet

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through man.

My point of departure will be slightly different. Marriage is a wonderful and one of the best thing that God created. So it comes from Him, meaning He is the author and the master of it.

I'm our decision making we make choices in life, 2 of them will be:

1. Some people don't believe in God.
2. Some people believe in God.

Why am I saying this? Life is a misery when we are not under His love, mercy and grace. Life seems almost impossible to live cause it is dependent on our own strength and our strength is limited.

Cut a long story short, I know you've been to marriage counselling (circular counsellor?) I would suggest you speak also to a spiritual counsellor (a pastor). I believe that it can be fix, your family can be restored, but it won't take the mind of a man.

Once your and your wife encounter the love God has for you, you'll be able to forgive one another and start on a new page. Now that won't be easy! It won't be easy.

We had the counselling before we got married, got married catholic as my wife is catholic.

No offence but God and I don't talk anymore my man.

Thanks BMS

None taken man. Why if I may ask?

bms wrote: None taken man. Why if I may ask?

I don't really want to talk religion but since you asked and I do not blame him, just angry:
A few death's
A murder of someone close - brutal - family
A family I cant hold together and a few other things

Maybe one day again.

Strongs bud, hope everything works out.

Sterkte Fillet, dit kan nie 'n maklike ding wees waar deur jy gaan nie.

xxx

Have zero advice on the subject, but a couple of the fellas have given some sound advice. Just chipping in to say I'll keep you in my prayers and wish you a smooth and non-hostile process forward.

Been through it all,
Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

1. Community of property.....it gonna hurt your pocket more than hers, however only if you earn more than her.If she earns more than you its good. In court ask for spousal support from her this is payback for you and a b#@%ch for her
2.Get a parenting plan in place, before you go to court otherwise they will refer you to the family advocate.
3.Custody means nothing......even if she gets 100% custody. Your child is old enough to decide with which parent he/she decides to live with. The police and the courts can do nothing about it, they will support the child fist with what ever decision they make in terms of which parent to live with.
3. Try and settle all financial decision out of court first, then document everything and take it to the lawyers and file for a non-contested divorce.
4. Point 3 is the most difficult to sort out.
5. Try and file for legal separation first as this gives you time to sort out you financial issues.
6. Most important......get a female divorce lawyer. One with a proven track record.
7. In court never ever refer to yourself as "I" OR "Me" always use the terms "us" and my "Family" the judge will pick up on which parent is the more family orientated person......You have to be depicted as a family man to get custody. More and more men are getting custody of children today.
8.Don't belittle your wife in front of family and your child. When the social worker interviews your child they will pick up on whose the abusive parent. Let your wife belittle you in front of both families and child use this as evidence in court and present it to the social workers. Video & voice recorded evidence cannot be disputed in court.
9. If you can settle out of court is is financially wise to do so.....other wise its gonna cost a fortune.
10. Good luck

Twinkell wrote: Sterkte Fillet, dit kan nie 'n maklike ding wees waar deur jy gaan nie.

xxx

Thanks sweetheart xxx
Ps, are you taken?