New thread for 2010 jokes

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13 Jan 2010 10:36 #33420 by North_Boy1
New thread for 2010 jokes was created by North_Boy1
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades.
There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day.
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln". The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go". Johnny was MAD. Susie answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King". The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go". Johnny was even MADDER than before. Mary answered first.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy". The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go". Johnny was BOILING MAD.
Nancy answered first.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny said, "TIGER WOODS! CAN I GO NOW?"

If everybody does it, is it still cheating?
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13 Jan 2010 11:32 #33449 by Happyraven
Replied by Happyraven on topic New thread for 2010 jokes
Very good NB1

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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14 Jan 2010 10:45 #33581 by North_Boy1
Replied by North_Boy1 on topic New thread for 2010 jokes
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .


Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps !!!!!!

If everybody does it, is it still cheating?
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18 Jan 2010 09:43 #33825 by missiondh
Replied by missiondh on topic New thread for 2010 jokes
Tiger!




:laugh: :P

"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping."
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18 Jan 2010 09:45 #33826 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes
Classic B)
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19 Jan 2010 12:17 #34001 by missiondh
Replied by missiondh on topic New thread for 2010 jokes

"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping."
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19 Jan 2010 22:29 #34072 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
(File Removed)
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19 Jan 2010 22:31 #34074 by SNOK1986
Replied by SNOK1986 on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
WAHAHHAAHHHHHAHAAHH - good one

No lets not deadlift as I need a double hip replacement haha
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19 Jan 2010 22:41 #34078 by Inja
Replied by Inja on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
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Sorry if I offend you
Its just my point of view
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19 Jan 2010 22:43 #34079 by SNOK1986
Replied by SNOK1986 on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
WAHHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

No lets not deadlift as I need a double hip replacement haha
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20 Jan 2010 10:55 #34101 by missiondh
Replied by missiondh on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
Hallo baas Rod. Dis Philemon, die gardenboy op jou landgoed. Ek probeer jou al dae lank innie hande kry."

"Hallo Philemon. Wat kan ek vir jou doen? Is daar probleme?"

"Um. Ek bel net om te vertel die baas se papagaai is dood."

"My papagaai? Dood? Die een wat die nasionale kompetisie gewen het?"

"Yebo. Dis hy daai."

"Deksels, dis nou jammer. Ek het 'n klein fortuin op daardie voël spandeer. Waaraan is hy dood?"

"Hy het vrot vleis geëet baas Rod."

"Vrot vleis? Wie't hom vrot vleis gegee?"

"Niemand nie, baas Rod. Hy het die vleis van die dooie perd geëet."

"Dooie perd? Watter dooie perd?"

"Die thoroughbred baas Rod."

"My pryswenner perd is dood?"

"Yebo. Hy's dood van al die harde werk om die waterkar te trek."

"Is jy nou gerook? Watter waterkar?"

"Die een wat ons gebruik het om die vuur dood te maak, baas Rod."

"Goeie genugtig, van watse vuur praat jy?"

"Die een in jou huis baas Rod. Die kers, hy het geval en die gordyne aan die brand gesteek."

"Wat de ongeluk...Wil jy nou sê die huis het afgebrand deur 'n kers wat omgefoeter het?"

"Yebo."

"Maar daar's mos elektrisiteit by die huis. Waarvoor het die kers gebrand?"

"Vir die begrafnis baas Rod."

"WATTER DONNERSE BEGRAFNIS?"

"Van jou vrou baas Rod. Sy het een aand hier aangekom en vir niemand vertel sy kom nie.

Ek het gedog dis 'n rower, toe slaan ek haar dood met die baas se nuwe visstok."

STILTE.....

LANGER STILTE.....

EINDELIK...

"Philemon, as jy my visstok gebreek het, is jy baie diep in die k@k!!"

"The best activities for your health are pumping and humping."
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20 Jan 2010 13:43 #34112 by Jayman
Replied by Jayman on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
(File Removed)

Train harder than the guy next to you and one day, no-one will be able to touch you
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20 Jan 2010 18:30 #34115 by Yohimbe
Replied by Yohimbe on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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20 Jan 2010 21:27 #34132 by jo1
Replied by jo1 on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
Twee meisie veldmuise sit elkeen met n pakkie kaaskrulle en praat oor hul
krels.
Die een meisiemuis haal 'n foto van haar muiskrel uit en wys dit vir haar
vriendin.


Dis 'n pragtige seunmuis met donker strepe oor sy bre skouers.


"Sjoe, maar hy's nogal 'handsome'!", se die vriendin.
"Maar laat ek jou wys hoe my krel lyk", se sy terwyl sy 'n foto uit haar handsakkie haal.


"My bliksem maar dis dan 'n vlermuis!" s die ander vriendin verbaas.


Geskok gryp sy die foto terug, kyk daarna en roep uit:


"Die bliksem!!!! En hy vertel al die tyd vir my hy's 'n vlienier......!!!!"
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21 Jan 2010 09:35 #34136 by SNOK1986
Replied by SNOK1986 on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK

No lets not deadlift as I need a double hip replacement haha
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21 Jan 2010 09:47 #34137 by SNOK1986
Replied by SNOK1986 on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK


Which picture is the snorting bull?

No lets not deadlift as I need a double hip replacement haha
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21 Jan 2010 09:51 #34138 by acidkidsa
Replied by acidkidsa on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London , and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!!

Irish Garda says," License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign."

London Lawyer says , "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License And registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law.. License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between "slow down" and "stop", I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.."

Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair.. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London lawyer exits his vehicle. The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the shit out of the lawyer with it and says,

"Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

Never fraternize with them as equals, never accept them as your social equals or they will devour you, they will destroy you.
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21 Jan 2010 09:55 #34139 by Yohimbe
Replied by Yohimbe on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
,,,,,,,,,,,, (File Removed)
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21 Jan 2010 10:10 #34140 by Yohimbe
Replied by Yohimbe on topic New thread for 2010 jokes TIGERSHARK
........... (File Removed)
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21 Jan 2010 10:10 #34141 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes: CAN YOU SEE IT!
These aren't jokes I know, but very interesting. (File Removed)
Can you see ten faces in the tree?
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21 Jan 2010 10:13 #34142 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes: CAN YOU SEE IT!
There's a face in here, can you see it? (File Removed)
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21 Jan 2010 10:14 #34143 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes: CAN YOU SEE IT!
Can you see the baby? (File Removed)
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21 Jan 2010 10:15 #34144 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes: CAN YOU SEE IT!
Can you see the kissing couple? (File Removed)
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21 Jan 2010 10:16 #34145 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes: CAN YOU SEE IT!
Can you see the three women? (File Removed)
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21 Jan 2010 10:18 #34146 by Sting
Replied by Sting on topic New thread for 2010 jokes: CAN YOU SEE IT!
Can you tell the difference between a horse and a frog? (File Removed)
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