New thread for 2010 jokes

Spider sense is tingling

Satan visits Cape Town and meets Gatiep.

"Do you know who I am?" asks Satan

"Nay", says Gatiep, "giemy a hint"

Satan says, "I am the prince of darkness"


"F@k!t" says Gatiep, "djy's mos die CEO van Eskom?!"

Click on the image link below and hold down F11 for 5 secs


i.imgur.com/AabZF.jpg

Earthquake HAHAHHAHA

pre mature ejaculation society dinner this friday, no dress code required - just come in your pants

djeasye wrote:

pre mature ejaculation society dinner this friday, no dress code required - just come in your pants

I will come early to avoid disappointment...... :oops

North_Boy1 wrote:

djeasye wrote:

pre mature ejaculation society dinner this friday, no dress code required - just come in your pants

I will come early to avoid disappointment...... :oops

:nana :haha :nana

This isnt funny but pretty cool

acidcow.com/famous/6767-rare-photos-of-f...people-125-pics.html

Air crash investigators investigating the Ethiopian Airways crash have ruled out excess weight as a cause

SNOK1986 wrote:

This isnt funny but pretty cool

acidcow.com/famous/6767-rare-photos-of-f...people-125-pics.html

I did not know Sean Connery was a bodybuilder and a Mr. Universe contestant. Very cool!

Inja wrote:

SNOK1986 wrote:

This isnt funny but pretty cool

acidcow.com/famous/6767-rare-photos-of-f...people-125-pics.html

I did not know Sean Connery was a bodybuilder and a Mr. Universe contestant. Very cool!

That was a shocker when i saw that. I had no idea... :laugh:

Dementia-short and sweet...
(File Removed)

I suffer from Alzheimers and bulimy - sometimes I forget to puke. :X

North_Boy1 wrote:

Sorry, pic won't upload

its probably because its too big, open it up in picture manager, go to export and edit the pic size to one that is smaller

Eonverye taht can raed tihs rsaie yuor hnad.

Only great minds can read this :laugh:
This is silly, but interesting!

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

:wave

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"

Kramer goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown".

Kramer just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok?"

In a very weak voice Kramer says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown."

Kramer said, "Oh Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn Around'!

A big mining company recently hired several cannibals.

"You are all part of our team now", said the HR manager during the welcoming
briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the
cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees".

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our Admin girls has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads indicating "no".

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the
others, "Which one of you idiots ate the Admin chick?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals
continued, "You fool!!!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and Supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually works!!!!"

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

djeasye wrote:

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning.

Shite! And i thought i was rather sober then! :laugh:

QUEEN ELIZABETH AND DOLLY PARTON GO TO HEAVEN


Queen Elizabeth
and
Dolly Parton
die on the same day and they both go
before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately,
there's only one space left that day,
so the Angel must decide which of them
gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular ? reason why she
should go to Heaven .

Dolly takes off her top and says,
'Look at these,
they're the most
perfect breasts
God ever created,
and ? I'm sure it will please God to
be able to see them every day,
for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly,
and asks
Her Majesty the same question.
The
Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse,

drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The Angel
says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks,
'What was that all about?
I show you two
of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down.
She wees into a
toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel,
'but even in Heaven,

a Royal Flush

beats a Pair -

no matter how big they are.

Acting lessons needed