Jokes

I see there was a new species discovered in the Drakensberg... Kudujane:

Looks to me more like someone deamed it fit to start hiring baboons to work for the municipality and start labling their work. :S

I love gif's but cant upload from work

WARNING : you may just fall off of your chair for some of these bodybuilding jokes.
www.worldclassbodybuilding.com/forums/f6...uilding-jokes-65706/

Malema besoek 'n Vrystaatse plaas."I want to inspect your farm for the water allocation." sê malema.Boer: "Ok, but do not enter that field..."Malema: "I have the full authority of the anc goverment. You see this card.? it gives me the right to go on any agricultural land WITH NO QUESTIONS ASKED.! Do you understand.!"Die Boer gaan aan met sy werk. Later hoor hy 'n moerse gil en sien dat sy enigste stoetbul besig is om Malema te jaag.Die Boer skree kliphard: "JOU KAART.... WYS HOM JOU FOKKEN KAART. :evil:

Haha, good one jakes. Malema jokes never get old...

3 men, an Irish farmer, Julius Malema and a Coloured are all granted a wish by a Genie. Irish farmer wishes that all the land in Ireland will be the most fertile in the world, forever and ever. POOF, this was done in a flash and the Irish Farmer was very satisfied. Malema was next and very amazed and impressed at this display of power. He started his wish: "I want all the coloureds to be removed from Africa and a wall must be built around all of my black brothers and sisters to protect them. This wall must be so high and so strong that no coloured can come into our land at all. POOF, this was done in a flash. A great wall surrounded Africa. Julius Malema glowed and glared at the Coloured triumphantly. Coloured said: "Before I make my wish, tell me more about this wall" Genie: "Its 5000ft high, 5000 bricks thick, nothing gets in, nothing gets out, guaranteed" Coloured lights up his joint, smiles and says " Maak hom vol water mase kind!!!

A guy walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side.

He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons and says....

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.
In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink".

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really,really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer....

"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."

A hush fell over the crowd.

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up..........

"I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"
:silly:

This really happend today>>>> Me and a mate of mine are standingh in the Spar, a girl we both know that is basically stalking my mate keeps looking in our direction. After we get everything we need we go and stand in the que and wait our turn. The next moment she is standing behind us, verry close to my mate. He calmly turned arround and said : " Ek kan sommer sien jy is single" She starts to gigle and asks why he can se she is single to which he replies "Want jys poes lelik!" - True story

Someone please get VonD to tell you about the time he called an old lady a desease in Pick 'N Pay, Cant remember exactly what happend. I just remember laughing all the way to the car.

TrippleV wrote: This really happend today>>>> Me and a mate of mine are standingh in the Spar, a girl we both know that is basically stalking my mate keeps looking in our direction. After we get everything we need we go and stand in the que and wait our turn. The next moment she is standing behind us, verry close to my mate. He calmly turned arround and said : " Ek kan sommer sien jy is single" She starts to gigle and asks why he can se she is single to which he replies "Want jys poes lelik!" - True story

That's a tad rough...

I would've said immature and... well... just plain dick. But hey, what comes around goes around.

Who cares lol. I also hate it when people take their time. Stalking is weird so that chick got what she deserved and the old lady thing is funny "your a disease!!!! Hurry up" lol, I would have laughed..

TrippleV wrote: Someone please get VonD to tell you about the time he called an old lady a desease in Pick 'N Pay, Cant remember exactly what happend. I just remember laughing all the way to the car.

In my defense she was a rude old women.

What really happened to that ship

Here's the real joke:

www.bitetech.com/armourbite-for-bodybuilding/

Jay Cutler wrote: I came to realize that a mouthpiece is a necessity in training. I have always been concerned about grinding and clenching my teeth in training sessions. I found the ArmourBite Mouthpiece and realized that it also has the benefit of improving strength and lowering cortisol

This one is almost as funny!:

www.energycareusa.com/affiliates/PhilHeath/ecPhilHeath.html

Phil Heath wrote: After wearing one of the EnergyCare bands though, I was amazed by its ability to make me feel stronger and more energized. It is very rare that I can feel such positive results after just initially using a product, but I continued to experience the same benefits over and over again with EnergyCare. It was then that I knew I had to have one for myself. EnergyCare has continued to provide me with the necessary gains in strength, stamina, positive well-being and recovery, which I feel helped collectively get me to the top!

This part made me cry:

EnergyCare wrote: EnergyCare products contain a brand new scientific discovery called Atraxlite™. This proprietary technology consists of a high, positive frequency which is embedded inside our products. This high frequency is intended to positively impact the body by attracting natural light energy and pulling it into the bloodstream, thereby potentially maximizing the body’s ability to absorb natural light energy

I'm continually amazed at stupid people

he hehe.sounds like that new placebo bangle but just for your teeth

yip placebo bangle second post

It's sad we live in a world where top professional athletes resort to marketing this hogwash to make money. Really crap.
Of course they're sponsored by RedBird chicken and MuscleTech blah blah as well, but c'mon.

It's even more depressing that we live in a world where half the public can be duped into believing this shit... Every time I walk into a supplement store I have to contain my anger at the oke in the muscle corner saying: "Shit, you don't have glutamine, no boet without glutamine your muscles are going to go catabolical and you going to look like a pregnant stick insect. You need Glutamine".

Inja wrote: Here's the real joke:

www.bitetech.com/armourbite-for-bodybuilding/

Jay Cutler wrote: I came to realize that a mouthpiece is a necessity in training. I have always been concerned about grinding and clenching my teeth in training sessions. I found the ArmourBite Mouthpiece and realized that it also has the benefit of improving strength and lowering cortisol

Damn!
Thanks Inja!
I didn't realise all that sneaky cortisol was making me skinny!
I've been wasting all my efforts in the gym but will go get a mouth piece asap!
:silly:

Inja wrote: It's sad we live in a world where top professional athletes resort to marketing this hogwash to make money. Really crap.
Of course they're sponsored by RedBird chicken and MuscleTech blah blah as well, but c'mon.

It's even more depressing that we live in a world where half the public can be duped into believing this shit... Every time I walk into a supplement store I have to contain my anger at the oke in the muscle corner saying: "Shit, you don't have glutamine, no boet without glutamine your muscles are going to go catabolical and you going to look like a pregnant stick insect. You need Glutamine".

VonD wrote:

Lol, but you know what that packaging reminds me of.... this:

Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...