Jokes

Inja wrote: Well I see the word 'light' on a couple of your room mates boxes so the conversion in under way.
You just need to start walking around with your shirt off and leave a couple of half naked girls lying around the place every second or third morning. Soon you'll have your own little BB student

haha yea I should do that, I really need a spotter

Dunno if this has been posted before.

"I'm bloated, holding water and can look a little puffy. I can have slight gyno, some acne, and at time rage and mood swings. But if you cant handle me when Im bulking you don't deserve me when I'm shredded" - Marylin Munbro

haha was just something stupid that I found

One day, the teacher asked her class 'What vegetable makes you cry?'

Little Johnny replies "a turnip".

"No Johnny' says the teacher, "Onions make you cry, not turnips"

"No Miss" Says Johnny, "Have you never been hit in the balls with a turnip?"

---

Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school. His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"

Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.

---

Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework."

" And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."

Riiiiiiiight :silly:

Renoster stropery is nou so erg ....
toe ek vanoggend met 'n horing wakker word, is daar drie keer op my geskiet

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was
nicely made, and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was
addressed,

"Dad".

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter,
with trembling hands.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene
with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I
knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos,
her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I
am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the
whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really,
hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people
in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so
Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your
many grand children.

Love, your son, John.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Tommy's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
school report that's on my desk.

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home

In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
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In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
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Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)
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The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than "going blind!")
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There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
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In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's' illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
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Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England but only In tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)
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In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
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In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
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In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Well . . . Not as great as Guam !)
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Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)
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Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
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The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times Its own weight and always falls over on its right side when Intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of ....... ?)
(Did the government pay for this research??)
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Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
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An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
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Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
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And, the best for last:
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

I had a game of angry birds today.

I told the wife and mistress about each other.

Leon en seun sit vroeg oggend langs die viswaters, dis nog donker.

Leon vra vir seun ....."Seun het jy al ingegooi?"

*


*


*
Seun antwoord ...."Nee pa , ek soek nog die glase......"

Can someone tell me how to add pictures, I have some classics!

Big Les wrote: Can someone tell me how to add pictures, I have some classics!

www.anabolicsteroids.co.za/forum/11-gene...ictures-on-the-forum

You have to go on photobucket.com register and post the link...

Twee dwergies tel twee hoere op en vat hulle huis toe, elkeen gaan kamer toe en begin met die pret.

Die een dwergie sukkel heel aand om 'n horing te kry terwyl hy heeltyd hoor, een,twee,drie,DOEF!
Hy is heel onsteld en gaan slaap sonder enigiets.

Die volgende oggend sit hulle aan tafel, altwee met 'n lang gesig, die een dwergie se: "Ek kon nie 'n fokken horing kry nie!"

Die ander dwergie sê: "Jy dink dis erg, ek kon nie op die fokken bed spring nie!"

Ou kom vies by die huis. Vrou vra: Wats fout? Hy sê: Die posman sê hy't al die vrouens in die straat gespyker behalwe een! Sy sê: dis seker daai stuckup bitch in No 23!!



Twee Babas le langs mekaar in die kraamsaal.
Ek is tog n Blou bul... se die baba seuntjie.
"Wys my" vra die baba dogtertjie...
GOED , maar eers as die suster weg is antwoord hy.
Toe die suster later uitstap , Skop hy sy kombersie af en se trots....
" Kyk my pienk kousies"



N vrou loop gisteraand voor my... Syt vinniger begin loop, toe doen ek ok... Syt begin draf en toe doen ek ok! En toe begin sy hardloop en skree, en toe doen ek ok! Weet nie waarvoor ons weg gehol het nie, maar ek was kak bang!

[img][IMG]http://i44.tinypic.com/2145ocz.jpg[/img][/img]

True test of manhood!

[img][IMG]http://i41.tinypic.com/35l6rg6.jpg[/img][/img]

Once upon a time, a guy asked a beautiful girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End

Jannie en Sannie spyker en sannie vra om kla te maak met 'n 69. Jannie stem in en na 'n uur lê hul altwee op hul rue op die bed in ekstase.

Skielik onthou jannie hy het 'n tandarts afspraak oor 'n uur en hy borsel sy tande drie keer, flos twee keer en spoel sy mond 'n paar keer met listerine, hy eet sommer 'n bos pietersielie vir ingeval bosmossel en knoffel familie van mekaar is.

Oppad tandarts toe eet hy sommer 8 mint emperials net om seker te wees.

By die tandarts gekom,le hy terug op die stoel en maak sy mond oop.

Dokter sê:'Fokkit boet! Het jy 'n 69 gehad voor jy hiernatoe gekom het?'

Jannie: 'Hoekom!? Ruik my mond na kont?'

Dokter: 'Nee, jou voorkop ruik soos kak'

:lol:

Renoster stropery het nou so erg geword...Vanoggend toe ek met 'n horing opstaan, is daar drie keer op my geskiet.

Juffrou: Jannie, as jy vyf lekkers het en Sipho vra vir een, hoeveel lekkers het jy dan?
Jannie: Vyf Juffrou !!