Heretic47 wrote: I just had to share this post I found on another forum. It's about shaving your bums
brah wrote: ASS HAIR
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I
offer my story to all though tasteless, that you
may learn from my error. It all started, as many
things do, with me having trouble ing. No, I was
not constipated; this was not a regularity
problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ss-hair had grown to such a length
that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up
in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It
led to
much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still
had something to drop,
but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose
from its butthair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either
reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off
the lingering loaf (which required careful
precision to
avoid smearing the creature all over my rear,
especially since I had no way of seeing what I
was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and
hope
that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter
before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-
Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this
problem, when I had what seemed at the time
to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my
butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all
the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like
beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a
statement that will go down in
history with a lot of other regretted statements.
"How many Indians could there be?" said by
General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a
drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has
complete Usenet
access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was
my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a
cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on.
Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the
crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process
of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would
have to clean the razor of accumulated hair,
which I did by wiping it on the towel.
Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-
ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of
a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one
last time, and surve my work. The towel was
covered with a pile of
hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled,
satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know. I now have a great respect for
anal-hair. Like everything in this world God
created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It
was only after I had removed it that I started to
learn how much I had been taking it for
granted. For one, it provides friction.
I learned this the next day, when I walked out
into the sun heading for class. After climbing
two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I
started to notice something unpleasant. The
sweat was accumulating
in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant
sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each
other with every step. I thought about going to
the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get
to class. Eventually, I
thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry,
but only after mingling with the microscopic -
molecules lingering around my brown starfish.
When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck
together with a slimy sticky /sweat
combination. As I made my way back to my
dorm, it started to itch. God-, did it itch! Felt like
a swarm of ants was making its way up and
down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming
my hand down there
and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately, this exertion
caused me to sweat, and when I finally
reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back
and forth against each other like a pair of horny
cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and
attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in
front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.
As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a
horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
Every dog within a 4 block radius started to
howl. I had it worst of
all, as the ripe aroma of festering /sweat went
into the fan and blew back into my face. I
fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there,
fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and
dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my
body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my
own blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back.
Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could,
wiping my
ass at every opportunity, I discovered another
wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I
attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get
stuck between my asscheeks.
Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins
can get vacuum sealed together, and the result
was a frustrating fart that slid up and down
between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that
wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as
stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of
a brillo pad.
Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a
hellish torture, and there are many times when I
just look out the window and contemplate why I
shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with
in one fleshy splat,
rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends-DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
