Pyroclasm wrote: @Bones: Nou lukka gelag ekse! Fok ekke mis my land!
LOL... Here's more from Krish
Check here, I know I been gone a long time and I’m sorry. I know you bras must be battling without my monthly advice. I vyed for one holiday to Wild Coast, hit up one-two of my old squeezes and made some crown there by the casino! Today I’m gonna tune you cakes how to be a main ou when you vy to the cricket. We all know charous are the main ous in Durban (even though those bruin ous will try wys), but at Kingsmead, nobody can touch us. But, to keep our name, we need to school the span of ous who carry on like potter-maries. Pay attention madhirs, your’ll about to be educated.
Ever since I was a litey I smaaked all different kind sports, but cricket and charous are like mutton curry and roti, meant for each other. I used to park in the back of my ballie’s Nissan 1400 and watch the ous jolling at Chatsworth Oval as he drove past on his deliveries. I checked the ous steaming in at full pace; ous ike Javagal Sreenath and Venkatesh Prasad; ous klapping DLF maximums like Azharuddin and Tendulkar. Ekse, I had a dream and that dream was the Chatsworth Oval.
Bra when I was a litey I was such a mahdir cricketer, I used to make hundreds and take wickets like a boss every weekend. How you think Hashim got so good? When I used to vy to the Gaats I used to give that ou lessons. Unfortunately for me, I ended up with so many stekkies that I couldn’t become a cricketer. But let me tune you, if I never pressed all these stekkies I would’ve been a cricketing main ou. But ous, I am Krish, and when the stekkies want a press you can’t deny her and dalla her offside. ‘Ell ekse, my balla used to pain ‘cos I was doing so much dallaring. Ey, but I’m getting off topic here…let me wys you today’s lesson.
Ok, so first you must ask your ma or vrou to pack one lukka picnic basket. Put some lukka bites in there, sev and nuts, hot hot vades, samoosas; all the top chows. Then put some Cokes in, and in your jacket you must smuggle some sachets of dops. Too much for one beer there by the cricket, so just spike the cokes and get lukka and fired up.
Also make sure you got span sunblock with you. My outjie Pravesh graafs by Sparkport there in Overport and he organises me an overtops SPF 200 one. If you vy there and mention my name he’ll organise for you. I can’t vy way dark like one navy blue Sri Lankan naai. Krish always keeps it fresh for the stekkies.
When you’re inside the stadium, find one lukka shady spot. Don’t vy in the sun like those stupid cake wit ous in the east stand. Klaar the dops quickly, soon as u vy inside. You only need to watch the cricket for the first 5 overs and the last 10 overs of each innings. The rest of the time you need to vy hit a march around the stadium scouting for the stekkies to throw up with your bras. If there’s any other naais looking at your stekkies then you have to vy speech with them. Remember I tuned your’ll how to speech last time at the jol.
I also vy speech with all the naais supporting other teams. All these cake Durban charous supporting India when they jolling need a good dose of wharrapends from me. Wakind with you maries? Your’ll ever been to India before? Watching Kuch Kuch and singing Shava Shava don’t make you from India pagla! The only thing that’s from India is your granny’s arse. I went to India couple times, and let me tell you maries, I can understand why they came-way with the Truro boat 150 years ago. My blood is green ekse! ‘Ey when I become president, I’ll send-way all those Charous who support India, back to India, and then we’ll see.
Now when you watching the cricket, don’t be shy to tune the opposition players when they bowling and fielding like murkoos. I give it one-way to the opposition fielders, I got no skaam. Stupids, cakes, bhudahs, harse’oles! If I’m not doing that then I take my binoculars and look for stekkies in the crowd. Indian cherries dress like they vying to one family function, so los them out. The wit cherries park in their lukka small small bikinis, like they at North Beach. I see everything guzzies. I’m operating from a distance. All the stekkies must know, when Krish is around, I’m on the prowl soeking for a dalla.
Now when the cricket is klaar you only got two moves; vy Lugz or Suncoast. I’ll wys you cakes about that some other time. For now, vy practice what I told you and take yourself one step closer to becoming a mahdir like me. 6x9s for life. Lukka.
