lees!!!!!!!

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Pietie vang sy Pa en Ma spyker. Hy vra: Wat maak julle? Pa se ons speel.
Later vang sy Pa vir Pietie met Sannie ,en vra...Pietie nou wat doen julle?
Ek steek haar Pa, ek fokken speel nie...

The Make shift Boob job:

A conversation between a very mild mannered and relaxed man and his newly accuired image concious "fairly blonde" wife.

Wife: Baby....., its coming up to our anniversary and i have been thinking.

Man: Oh hell....

Wife: Remember that Boob job we spoke about, i have considered it and i would really like to get it done. Thinking it would be a very nice anniversary gift.

Man: Jeezlike babe most guys buy a necklace or something and you want tits. They are Moer expensive and i think you are perfect the way you are.

Wife: But my baby i really think it will make me look good, i have your best interest at heart too.

Man: But clearly not my wallet, aaaaaaaah (long sigh and a moments silence). Babe have you ever thought of trying to use toilet Paper.

Wife: Dont be silly honey, you mean like padding? I do that already, it does nothing.

Man: No i mean try Rubbing toilet paper inbetween your Boobs, Like once a day or something.

Wife: What on earth are you on about, how on earth is that supposed to help.

Man: I dont know i was just thinking, its alot more cost effective and its definatley worked for your Arse.

Peace

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation
ensues:
Man: "Father, I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many
children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. However, yesterday I
picked up two college girls hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had
sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins? '"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm not a Catholic, Father ......... I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Then why are you telling me all this, my son?"
Man: "Father, I'm 92 years old ..............I'm telling everybody."



There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have
sinned."
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to
me seven times."
The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into
a glass and then drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off your face."

5 STAR THREAD!!! :laugh: :clapclap :haha

HI-LUX + BLOUBUL+ BRANDEWYN = GROOOOOT K@K

A Department of Water Resources representative (Philemon) stops at a Free State farm and talks with old farmer Koos.


He tells Koos, "I need to inspect your farm for the water allocation".


Koos says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there".

Philemon says, "Meneer, I have the full authority of the ANC Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear?

Do you understand?"

Koos nods politely and goes about his chores.

Shortly, thereafter Koos hears loud screams and spies Philemon running for his life followed close behind by the farmer's bull, who's gaining with every step.


Philemon is clearly terrified, and is screaming for help, so the old Farmer throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your card! Show him your card! "

PREACHERS SALARY
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went to the
congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that
whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There
was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, 'Children are a
gift from God,' he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail
voice said, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much, we
wear raincoats.' And the congregation said, 'Amen!!!!!!!!!! '

Duties of Wives..

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

Terry had married a woman from Greece .


He bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

Jimmie had married a woman from Italy .


He boasted that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a South African girl.

He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away.

missiondh wrote:

HI-LUX + BLOUBUL+ BRANDEWYN = GROOOOOT K@K

Rubish man! Hulle swem net so bietjie! Gaan netnou daar uitry!!!!

There is a medical distinction.. We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?''

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.

In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men liked them so much, 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just liked the fucking silence

djeasye wrote:

In a recent survey into blow jobs and why men liked them so much, 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just liked the fucking silence

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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Two Lenasian cousins, Ravi and Pravesh, are walking down the street one day.

They happen to come upon a crematorium.

Ravi promptly asks Pravesh, "Hey cousin, what's this crematorium thing?"

Pravesh: "Hey no man, how must I know?"

Ravi: "Well run in there and check it out!"

Pravesh runs in, a couple minutes later he exits the crematorium severely
beaten, covered in his own blood.

Ravi (quite shocked, asks): "And now Pravesh, what happened to you man?"
Pravesh: "No man, I go inside, right!"

Ravi: "Right?"
Pravesh: "I see all these sad people standing around, right?"

Ravi: "Right?"

Pravesh: "So I ask them, 'Hey what's cooking?'

what do women and dolphins have in common? apparently they are intelligent.....but no one can prove it.

Koos, Mike en Kallie word deur spietkops by ’n groot winkelsentrum in Benoni afgetrek.
Spietkop: “OK, guys, het julle ’n idéé hoe vinnig julle gery het?”
Hulle: “G’n idee nie – maar jy gaan ons sê!”

Spietkop: “So vinnig dat julle elkeen ’n spoedkaartjie gaan kry!” (Hy haal sy boekie uit.) “Wat is jou naam?” vra hy vir Koos.
Koos kyk rond en sien ’n Woolworths-reklamebord daar naby: “My naam is William Woolworth," sê Koos.
Kallie snap dit dadelik, kyk rond en sien Edgars. “My naam is Eddie Edgars!”
Kallie en Koos kyk benoud na Mike en hoop dat hy verstaan wat hulle gedoen het.
“En jy?” vra die spietkop kwaai vir Mike.
Mike: “My naam is Ken!”
Spietkop “Ja, maar wat is jou volle name?”
Mike sê selfversekerd: “My naam is Ken, en my van is Takkie Fraaid Tjieken!”

A South African Pastor dies and is waiting in line at
Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in
Sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans and jewellery.
The gatekeeper addresses him,
"Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the
Kingdom of Heaven ?
"The guy replies, "I'm Sipho Mlangeni, Taxi driver, from Soweto ,
South Africa , boss."
The gatekeeper consults his list. He smiles and
Says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and
enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."
Now it's the minister's turn He stands erect and booms out, "I am the
Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last
forty-three years."
The gatekeeper consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this
cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he
Gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results," explains the gatekeeper.
"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."