lees!!!!!!!

business man of the year
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now this is funny www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/10/08/julia-mal...p-for-top-gay-award/

A woman just gave birth to a baby in a hospital.
As soon as she’d recovered, the doctor came to speak to her:
“Your baby is in good health, but there’s something important I need to tell you…”
The woman became worried:
“What’s the matter with my baby,…tell me please, what’s wrong?”
“There’s nothing really wrong, but your baby is a little…different. He’s a hermaphrodite.”
<<Hermaphrodite???
What is that?>>>
“Well…it means your baby is…that he has…all the equipment of a man and also that of a woman!”
The woman pales:
<< Oh my God!!!
You mean he has a penis and a brain…?>>
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Sting,do u know why doctors slap babies on the butt when they are born? to ensure the penises fall off the stupid ones...

djeasye wrote:

Sting,do u know why doctors slap babies on the butt when they are born? to ensure the penises fall off the stupid ones...

I guess some baby boys just dont get their butts slapped hard enough by the doctors :woohoo:

guess all the stupid ones in the world are penis-less but then u get caster....hmmmm what does that make her?? u know i am pulling on your ummm leg hey sting.

Yes Dj, yes i know ur just pulling my leg. Now how about changing that avi

was thinking of changing it to the brazillian boy at the top of the page

djeasye wrote:

now this is funny www.2oceansvibe.com/2009/10/08/julia-mal...p-for-top-gay-award/

lol that oke is freakin CRAZY !!!!

julie malema...

A guy orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blond woman's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens. So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

He is laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'

'Duh,' says the blond, 'He has a licker license!'

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a guy hiding behind a
Gravestone.

I said, "Morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

********************

Went to my first Muslim birthday party last week.

The musical chairs was a bit slow, but man, pass the parcel was quick!!!

********************

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan guy standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul........ Won't it start?"

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him,
And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ‘Oh ....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'

Horrified Jane said, 'Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

'Here' she said, pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed 'What did you do that for?'

Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! :haha DJ, is that where you hide all the time? :haha

LOL

hey i love my chicks not hole in trunk of tree

The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are "The Seven Dwarfs" they get ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack.
"Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers,
"No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs begin giggling.
Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.

Dopey turns back to face the Pope.
"Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"
The Pope, puzzled again, thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Europe."
This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them all with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back to the Pope and says, "Mr.. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the whole world?"
The Pope answers, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling, and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:
"Dopey fucked a penguin!"
"Dopey fucked a penguin!"

ONE NIGHT 4 UNIVERSITY STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.

IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.

THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

THE DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RE-TEST AFTER 3 DAYS. THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL CONDITION THAT ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST.

THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST CONSISTED OF 5 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS:


MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION

INSTRUCTIONS :
All questions are compulsory
Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.

Q.1. Write down your name

---

(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended

---

(30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre.

---

(20 Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst

---

( 28 marks )
Q.5. Who was driving

---

(20 marks)

END OF PAPER

Four Worms and a Lesson to be learned

A minister decided that a visual
Demonstration would add emphasis
To his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into
Four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container
Of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container
Of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of
Chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of
Good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the
Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead



The Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead



Fourth worm in good clean soil -Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation
What did you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back,
Quickly raised her hand and said,

'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service

The Maid



Our Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. My wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'


Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I want an increase.' The first is that I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so...' Wife: 'Oh.'


Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'


Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you..' Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?' Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?

‘n Mans student is ongelukkig toe hy sien sy meisie vir die aand bestel oesters en sjampanje en allerhande duur goed vanaf die spyskaart.
“Voer jou ma jou so by die huis?” vra hy.
“Nee, maar sy wil my nie na ete spyker nie”

A Blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners.


The Asian lady behind the counter thanks her, and says "Come Again".



The Blonde says............


"No, it's toothpaste this time, you nosey bitch"

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and BANG... The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.
Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He
was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.

A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.

The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's
called Turpentine.'

The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water.
If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'

The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a
Harley Davidson !'

Two black guys are at a bar talking, one says to the other, " You ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second black guy says,"Yeah, all the time."

The other says, "Why is that?"

The second says, "I think it's the pepper spray."