lees!!!!!!!

lol, dam sluts

A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with absolutely perfect
breasts. He approaches her and says, "Miss, would you let me bite ye
breasts for $100? "

"Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she
does. "Would you let me bite ye breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks.
"Listen; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the Scotsman runs around the next block and faces her again ; "Would
you let me bite ye breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a moment and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars;

O.K.., just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there "
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the
most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them,
fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in
them, but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them
or not?"
"Nah", says the Scotsman... "Costs too much..."

LOL!!! classic....

'n Baie lawaaierige, onaantreklike, vet, hardegesig en onversorgde vrou met
curlers in die hare en 'n lexington in die hoek van haar mond, stap die
Wimpy binne met haar twee rooikopkinders agterna. Sy skree
die heeltyd op hulle.

"Goeiedag en welkom by die Wimpy", groet die deurwag. "Oulike kinders wat jy
het, is hulle 'n tweeling?"

Die vet, lelike vrou spoeg haar lexington uit en gluur hom aan. "Hoe de
donner kan hulle 'n fokken tweeling wees as die een nege is en die ander
ses? Wat de moer laat jou anyway dink dat hulle 'n tweeling is?
Dink jy wragtag hulle lyk eenders, jou dikkop idioot?"

"Nee, glad nie," antwoord die deurwag vriendelik. "Ek kan net nie glo dat
iemand jou twee keer sou spyker nie."

Die man sit langs 'n blond op die vliegtuig." Kan ek 'n bietjie met jou gesels?" vra hy.

"Waaroor?" vra sy.

"Wat van........kernkrag?" se hy.

"Sê my eers" sê sy" weet jy hoekom is 'n bokdrol rond en hard en beesmis is plat en slap, maar altwee diere vreet gras?"

"Nee, ek weet nie" se hy.

"PRESIES!!!" sê sy "Jy kan nie eers oor k#k praat nie, maar nou wil jy met my oor kernkrag kom praat!"

Blonde walks into Absa in Johannesburg and asks for the loans dept. She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow R10, 000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the papers and everything checked out. Absa agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank manager and its staff all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a R5, 000,000 Rolls as collateral against a R10, 000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the R10, 000 and the interest, which comes to R141.66. The bank manager says, 'Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow R10, 000?' The blond replies ... 'Where else in Johannesburg can I park my car for two weeks for only R141.66 and expect it to be there when I return?'


Finally, a gifted blonde!!!!

Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders

EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD, I'VE ALWAYS HAD A FEAR OF SOMEONE
UNDER MY BED AT NIGHT. SO I WENT TO A SHRINK AND TOLD HIM
'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under
it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk
to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears..'

'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the
doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot
of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all
that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'

'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did
a bartender cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!


SCREW THOSE SHRINKS.. GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!

World's shortest fairy tale:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl: 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

North_Boy1 wrote:

World's shortest fairy tale:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl: 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end

:crazy you know u guys cant live without us women

@Beesting - SO TRUE !!

Check this one out: Paddy joke.....

Paddy was asked if he preferred legs or breasts.

He replied that he had a particular fondness for shaved fannies.

He was informed that this wasn't an option when choosing a KFC bargain
bucket.

A wife answers the door bell and a man asks her, “Lady, do you have a vagina?” and she slams the door shut. The next day the wife answers the door bell and its the same guy and he asks her, “Lady, do you have a vagina?” and she slams the door shut.
The woman tells her husband about the guy and he says he will stay home from work the next day and this time she should tell the man she has a vagina and see what happens. The door bell rings, the woman answers the door, the man asks, “Lady do you have a vagina?” to which she says, “Yes, I do.”
The man then tells her, “Well then tell your husband to make use of it and stay away from my wife

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years

of carrying the mail to the same neighborhood, through all

kinds of weather.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was

greeted by the whole family, who congratulated him and sent

him on his way with a gift certificate.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine

imported cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of

terrific fishing lures.

At each of the houses along his route, he was met with

congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types

and values.

At the final house, he was met at the door by a strikingly

beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took

him by the hand, gently led him through the door and led

him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most

passionate liaison.

Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a

giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry

waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of

steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar

bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but

what's the dollar for?'

'Well,' she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today

would be your last day and that we should do something

special for you.

I asked him what to give you?'

He said,

'Screw him.

Give him a dollar.'



The blonde then blushed and said,

'But the breakfast was my idea.'

i love that...it was brilliant!!

LAW OF BREAD: When the buttered slice of bread falls it always fall on the buttered side.

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold!!

“Success is just like being pregnant ...
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how
many times you were screwed in the process !!! "

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!


Signboard outside a prostitute's house:
Married MEN not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy...


New AIDS awareness slogan:
Try different positions with the same woman instead of same position with different women.

Why is $ex like shaving?
Well, because no matter how well you do it today... tomorrow you'll have to do it again...


Q: What will happen if earth rotates 30 times faster?
A: Men will get their salary everyday and women will bleed to death.


Q: Why do 90% gals have left boob bigger than right?
A: Bcoz 90% boys are right handed.


Q: What is the difference between a PANTY & a STAGE CURTAIN?
A: When you pull down the STAGE CURTAIN, the show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY..... it is SHOWTIME!


Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?
A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later


Advantages of having an affair with a married women.
They give like hell.
They do not yell.
They do not tell.
They do not swell and there is no wedding bell!


My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

HAHA, nice jokes ouens..

Pedofiel en dogtertjie loop in woud.

Dogterjie>> Oom, Oom ek is bang!!

Pedofiel>> Moenie worry nie, ek moet netnou alleen terug stap.

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As
he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where
the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla
blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town. I'd
like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to
Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't even know
the way to the Post Office."

I don't mind coming to work,
But that eight hour wait, to go home, is the "killer!!!!"

Zuma giving speech to the deaf.
Rubs his chest, rubs his dick then starts masturbating...
He is taken off stage and says he meant "ladies and gentlemen, it gives me gr8 pleasure"

How do you know Santa's a man? Cause he shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls a ho and leaves in the middle of the night!

Dr to moffie: "You have aids, eat 2kg prunes, 5kg apricots and 1kg brooklax." Moffie: "Wil this cure me?" Dr: "No, but it will teach you what your ass is for."

A black man's brain is divided into 2 parts: Da left and da right. In da left fokkol is right, and in da right fokkol is left!

Wayne wrote:

A black man's brain is divided into 2 parts: Da left and da right. In da left fokkol is right, and in da right fokkol is left!

:clapclap :haha

Dominee besoek Israel en kom op skare af.

"Wat gaan hier aan?" vra hy.

Sê een ou,
"hier kom nou-nou 'n trop kamele met kaal meisies op verby."

"O", sê die dominee,
"Dan wag ek maar - ek het nog nooit 'n regte kameel gesien nie.."