lees!!!!!!!

KLEIN PIET comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.

"Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little ticked off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have milk in my cereal?" he asks.

"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick the chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the pussycat as he's walking into the kitchen.

KLEIN PIET looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese
Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection
of soiled clothes: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" She got the clean laundry
back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week
she enclosed another note: "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" The Chinese =
laundry man became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it
contained a note from HIM: "I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!!

USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handywoman and started canvassing the neighborhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"


The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes ."

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.


"And by the way," the blonde added ... "it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi."

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where sh e picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey..' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love m e for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that b*tch knows I'm smarter than her.

Jayman wrote:

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where sh e picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey..' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love m e for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.......but at least that b*tch knows I'm smarter than her.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Piet kry werk as winkelklerk. 'n Klant kom in en vra vir 'n blik pruimkonfyt. Piet kyk rond maar kan nie pruimkonfyt kry nie. "Jammer, mevrou, maar ons het nie pruimkonfyt nie." Toe die dame uitstap, roep die baas vir piet nader. "Dis mos nie die manier waarop 'n mens goed verkoop nie," beduie hy. "As daar nie pruimkonfyt is nie, dan sê jy:

'Jammer, mevrou, die pruimkonfyt is op, maar ons het pas nuwe voorrade druiwe-, appelkoos- en vyekonfyt gekry. Wil u nie daarvan probeer nie?'

Verstaan jy?" "Ja, meneer." 'n Rukkie later stap 'n man die winkel binne en vra vir toiletpapier. Piet soek, maar kan niks kry nie. "Jammer, meneer, maar ons toiletpapier is op. Ons het wel deurslagpapier, skuurpapier en konfetti. Wil u nie daarvan probeer nie?"

Jayman wrote:

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to hire herself out as a handywoman and started canvassing the neighborhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"


The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes ."

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.


"And by the way," the blonde added ... "it's not a Porch -- it's an Audi."

Definately the best blonde joke I've heard :haha

Looking at the National Flag of South Africa have you ever wondered why ‘BLUE’ is not on the top and RED is at the bottom. Here is the explanation:-

RED is the SUN (not the earth), so it’s above;
BLUE is the SEA (not the sky) – therefore below;
GREEN is the MIELIE FIELDS in the middle;
BLACK is the MAJORITY,
and, YELLOW is the ELECTRIC FENCE keeping them away from the mielies!

lol (File Removed)

Goeie moer nou dis embarrassing!! LOL

i love the love cave between my legs line...

Brilliant!!! Where people come up with these lines amazes me.

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You gotta love face book!

party mnse is duister, en daar balker sy haar hele seks lewe uit, voken onosel!!!

North_Boy1 wrote:

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:rock :haha

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Inja wrote:

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:clapclap :haha

Twee pelle sit vroeg oggend langs die viswaters, dis nog donker.

Die een ou vra....." het jy al ingegooi?"

Die ander ou sê....." nee, ek soek nog die glase......"

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the
street and pass a flower shop where the redhead sees her
boyfriend buying her flowers.

The Redhead sighs and says: 'Oh crap, my boyfriend is
buying me flowers again.'
The blonde looks quizzically at her and says: 'You don't like
getting flowers from your boyfriend?'

The redhead replies: 'I love getting flowers, but he always
has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel
like spending the next three days on my back with my legs
in the air.'

The blonde says: .....'Don't you have a vase?'

Die Alkoholis, Roker en Moffie gaan Dokter toe vir 'n ondersoek, Dokter
sê
vir al drie van hulle..........
"As julle nog een keer ingee aan julle verslawing, gaan julle sterf."

Hulle loop in die straat af en by die kroeg sê die Alkholis hy gaan 'n
dop
drink en sterf, die roker en die Moffie loop verder aan.


'n Ou ry verby en skiet 'n stompie by die venster uit......

Moffie sê vir die roker: "Jy besef natuurlik as jy buk om die stompie
op te tel is ons altwee dood!!!"

Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said:

'Paddy will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife
in the future ?'

'Why?' Paddy asked.

'Because,' said Mick 'all the street was laughing when they saw you making
love yesterday'

Paddy replied 'Silly buggers ! The laughs on them. I wasn't home yesterday !!

IF BANDS HAD AFRIKAANS NAMES

1. Pet Shop Boys - Troeteldierwinkel seuns
2. Smashing Pumpkins - Platgemoerde Pampoene
3. Frankie Goes to Hollywood - Frikkie Gaan Fliek Toe
4. Johnny Rotten & the Sex Pistols - Jannie Vrot en die Pomp Pistole
5. Spice Girls - Aromat Slette
6. Simple Minds - Dofkoppe
7. Mariah Carey - Meraai se Kerrie
8. Joan Armatrading - Johanna Wapenhandelaar
9. Four Jacks and a Jill - Vier Latte en 'n Platte
10. Queen - Moffie
11. Ace of Base - Baas se As
12. Hughie Lewis and the News - Louis Luyt in die Nuus
13. Iron Maiden - Yster Ousie
14. Ladysmith Black Mambazo - Mevrou Smit se Swart Mambas
15. Bananarama - Piesangmargarien
16. Meatloaf - Vleisrol

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we were in the road and slowly the driver gets out of his car.
And you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and then life-stuff seems to get
funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . .. . the driver I’d hit was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"


So, I look down at him and say, "Oh, OK, so…which one ARE you then?"

. . . that's when the fight started .. .

North_Boy1 wrote:

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So there we were in the road and slowly the driver gets out of his car.
And you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and then life-stuff seems to get
funny?

Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . .. . the driver I’d hit was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"


So, I look down at him and say, "Oh, OK, so…which one ARE you then?"

. . . that's when the fight started .. .

F***en brilliant